Breaking the Mold: How I Recognised and Overcame Rigid Thinking

One aspect of my neurodiversity is rigid thinking.

When I think back about it, the thing that strikes me the most is how I wore a phone on my belt for years. In the 2000s, people would wear a phone or even a PDA in a case that clipped to their belt. (Before smartphones, there were Personal Digital Assistants or PDAs. They were basically smartphones, but without the phone part.)

I got to the point where I would choose pants based on how well they work with my phone holder.

It wasn't until I was waiting for a haircut and I saw someone else wearing a similar phone holder on their belt. This was decades after they fell out of fashion. However, this person looked like they were locked into the style they had when they first put that phone on their belt, in the 2000s. Even though I don't understand fashion, I always try and fit in, and this person clearly wasn't.

Seeing them made me realise that I was no different. I was simply doing things the same way, and was unwilling to change.

So what now? I thought to myself: “I've always done it like this. I don't want to change. Why should I? If it works for me, why do I need to change?” I went along like this for some time. However, I have an incredible appetite for self-improvement. I don't know where this stems from, but once I'd identified this, I was going to change it.

Another rigidity I had was always having my shoulder bag with me at all times. I couldn't bear the thought of not having it. I realise now that part of that was the fear of forgetting something, which was a common occurrence with my ADHD memory challenges.

A note on ASD and stimming comfort

I recognize now that my rigidity was likely a self-soothing technique based on my Autism. My ADHD memory played a part as well. If I do something exactly the same way every time, I'm less likely to forget something.

How did I change my rigid thinking?

It was a gradual process. Like a lot of things, the first step was identifying the issue. Once it had a name, I started seeing many aspects of rigidity in my life.

Like my journey into physical exercise, I started small. The phone and bag were too ingrained to tackle first; I needed to start somewhere small that had low consequences. One piece of advice I read was to park in a different spot every day. This also has a benefit of assisting with neuroplasticity. The prospect of growing new neurons and improving my mental faculties was too tempting a prospect to ignore.

How often did I forget where I parked my car? Almost every day! Still, it was a learning experience, and the consequences were still low. I did improve over time. Building my physical fitness around this time also helped considerably.

I also did things like walking different routes. I would try and walk a different way from the car to work, for example. Even silly things like using a different toilet cubicle was helping me be more flexible.

Tackling the biggie

My phone. I can't lie, this was incredibly challenging for me. I'd worn it on my belt for such a long time, it felt like it was part of me. This was also before smartwatches, so I could feel it vibrate on my hip. I used this and my elaborate system of calendar entries as reminders to help me remember all manner of things.

The plan

When writing this, I started thinking of this phase as an epic saga. That sounds incredibly overblown, but for me it was monumental. Enter the plan. I knew I had to start small. I practiced having my phone in my pocket at home on the weekends. I knew I'd leave my phone at work at some point, and while that prospect terrified me, I just accepted it was part of the change I was making.

The next phase of the plan was work. I needed to go to and from work without the belt holder. It is weird to think back how large a shift this was for me, and how incredibly uncomfortable it made me feel.

Amusingly, for a good 4 weeks after not wearing my phone on my hip, I still had phantom vibration sensations there! This is known as phantom vibration syndrome.

It took about 3 weeks to feel comfortable not having my phone on my hip.

Fast forward many years and I still have my phone in my pocket all the time, but I'm much less rigid than I was. I can still see elements of being rigid creeping into my work on occasion, where I think something should be done a particular way. Mindfulness has helped me recognize when that is happening.

I also continue to work on my rigidity. I always try and park in a different spot every day. When I go for a run at work, I'll use a different shower cubicle each time. Likewise for toilet stalls. They sound like silly little things, but I've found they add up. I'm much better at accepting doing things differently, and being more flexible helps in so many areas of life.

What does my rigid thinking look like today?

I recently went through a phase where I stopped drinking cow's milk. This was mainly because of the climate impact of cows. However, I came to recognise that I had become rigid about it. I’m not going to argue about the climate impact of cows, but I feel that my resistance to this was making me more rigid in other areas of my life as well. Accepting that I can drink cow's milk if I choose to was very freeing, as opposed to being rigid about it.

For my work, I often ask myself: Am I being overly rigid in some of what I want to do? Do I want to do something this way because I’ve always done things this way, or is it actually the best solution? Are there other ways it could be done? I often settle on my first solution to a problem, which is seldom the best solution. Taking time to think about other options—often when daydreaming or running—frequently leads me to better solutions.

Overall, working on my rigid thinking helps lessen my negative ND characteristics.